Waiting for Marie
Where am I? Am I on the floor? What are all these people doing standing above me? I remember pain, there was this terrible pain, I can't really remember. Ooof there's not much I CAN remember these days anyway. In fact, I'm not sure what day this is, or who these people are, wait what are all these people doing here above me, does it have something to do with the pain I felt or did they cause it, oh they are so noisy I wish they'd settle down, they'll wake the kids! Ah that pain is back, where's Marie god-damn-it that woman is never around when I need her, I'm going to shout her name, maybe she'll show up and give me a pill for the pain and get these people out of my face, wait, who are all these people, they are grabbing me everywhere and sticking needles into me, they look like doctors or something, oh they'll wake the kids and Marie's going to blame me and we'll get into one of those fights again, I know it, goddamn woman was put on this earth to drive me mad I tell ya, perhaps I should call her and she'll give a pill to the where are I will goddamnit they'll wake the pill OH FUCK THE PAIN AGAIN...
...this isn't my room, AH SHIT this isn't the old people's home is it, Peter said he'd put me in one if I stopped taking care of myself, what the hell did *I* do this time? Hell if Marie was alive she'd spank the hell out of that ungrateful brat, we brought him up and paid for his schools and college and his goddamn sister's too, they could take some time to visit their father from time to time, ever since Marie died I just lost track of things and I keep forgetting stuff and she always knew where my stuff was, you know. Dammit, I ended up losing my kids like I lost my keys... Ah, what the hell, they are supposed to leave the nest sometime aren't they, but why did they have to move so far away, I mean who do *I* have left to drive crazy anymore? Hehehe... Hey there, it's those doctor and nurse people again with their little lights, like little aliens hehehe, "Take me to your leader, hot android nurse!" Hehehe... I wonder if she's the silent and bitter type like our little Amy, she has that look... She was my favorite goddamnit, I loved her so much, but she was never the same after her mother's death. What the fuck could I have done to stop it, Marie smoked like a fucking chimney, I tried to make her stop, what fucking brand was she smoking anyway, dammit, can't remember anything anymore, I should ask Marie, she remembers everything... Oh what was I thinking, ah shit, they've got their goddamn light in my face again and I can't think. What are they saying, I can't understand, they're making sounds but I can't make out what they're saying, probably immigrants or something, yeah, typical, I got the trainee Indian doctors. Well, as soon as I can stand up I'm going to complain and raise hell, just cause I'm old doesn't mean they should give me doctors that speak... whatever it is they're speaking. Actually, this is weird, I can't even read the writing on their chest tags, is this an English hospital or some other country? Where the hell am I anyway? Shit this is scary. I'm going to shout at them to get me some English speaking staff. Ah shit, they're injecting me with something ag-
...Hey there cutie, ah, if only I wasn't married, that nurse is one cute thing hehe, I really must find a way to convince Marie to have a threesome, you know, live life while we're young, let some weirdness in before we become old with kids and a dog, God forbid, wow, kids, now there's one thing I'm not letting Marie talk me into, let me tell you. Where the hell IS that woman anyway, did she leave me here, come to think of it, where IS this place, and what am I doing here? I'm going to shout out for Marie. That's strange, I'm trying to say "Marie" and there's this rasping moaning sound coming out of me instead. Is there something wrong with my throat, ah shit, I can't move my arms, oh wait, I can move my right one a little bit, WHAT THE HELL this is an old veiny arm, I look like a zombie or something, holy FUCK, that screeching thing is starting again, why is it starting again, am I screaming, is that what my voice sounds like now? I need help badly dammit, where's Marie, oh, where's Marie, is she with the kids, I hope the kids are alright at least, she's so awesome, taking care of two kids and fighting that fucking cancer at the same time, she's really something else...
...Where am I? What is this place? Was I in an accident? Where's Marie and the kids? There's light and there are things around me but I can't really understand, I'm shit scared, I can't see things, it's like my head is numb inside... There's this thing above me, it's holding my hand, I don't know what it is, I'm scared, I want to leave goddamnit, what is that thing doing with my hand? There's stuff splashing from it, is it spitting on me or crying or something... it keeps making this sound "DADADAD" and then other sounds and then starts again "DADAD" and there are other things next to it, ah there are more, I think the numb thing in my head is a little better, the things are two people, they're making the same "DADAD" sound, oh this is so tiring, my head is killing me, I can't hold on, I need to close my eyes...
...I who try there is room and there sometimes hey their playing ouch needles and OUCH shouting beeping beeping BEEPING all around. Ah, pain PAIN, my cheeks are wet. There are shapes in front of me, they move and I feel wiping on my face, I think it is my face. It must be people, but I can't make anything out, it's just shapes everywhere. I'm going to look up, ahhh, it's still and square and bright, it must be a ceiling... look at that ceiling, I feel so flat all of a sudden, like I'm a drawing on the floor looking up and the ceiling is a millimeter away from my flat nose, oh the world is becoming so shallow, I can reach up with my arm and punch through the sky and grab the moon in my palm, it will look like a plate, you know, I'll put a small string on it so Marie can hang it up on a wall with all the pretty stuff she collects next to her drawings, high enough so the kids don't knock it down with their games, those little devils hehe... Like a plate, so smooth, so white, everything is so white...
...Time is passing fast I think, or maybe not, in front of me the world is turning into a small but bright porthole, and all around and behind it everything is so dark and empty. I am so scared. It's not the end of the world out here, is it? Wherever here is, ah shit, I don't want to be alone here at the end, I think I used to be inside that bright thing in front of me, look, it's moving away now, the shapes inside are getting so far away, it's now like the moon over the sea, ah the water is everywhere, there's a sea all around and that whooshing sound of the waves, I feel it inside me and all around me...
...It's day now and the sea is still here. How strange, I feel so much better, like I got my head back. There's this light breeze too and lots and lots of sun, hey, nice! It's summer, it must be late June and I'm waiting for Marie aren't I? Yes, this is the church on the beach where we're getting married. And look at me! All in my groom costume! Ah, I must still be a bit confused, I don't think my head is back all the way is it... But hasn't this already happened? I'm pretty damn sure we did the marriage thing and had kids and everything, man I must be really fucked up.
Hey what's this, there's friends and family here, wow, haven't seen some of these guys since forever... Hey guys, nice of you to drop by for... whatever THIS is. Hey, listen I had the weirdest experience, I was like an ancient old geezer and dying from a stroke or something, and... ah... my kids were there, saying goodbye... How weird, by the way... where am I?? Hey, I'm talking!! Dammit, they're ignoring me, they're pointing at the distance and looking very excited.
Oh, it's Marie! She's here!
My God, she's so beautiful in her wedding dress, the most gorgeous bride you ever saw! Yeah, just like before, they had tried to prepare me for how gorgeous she looked with her wedding dress, but in the end no words could have prepared me!!
How long have I waited - gosh, how time flies, how long have I been waiting for her to get here... she was late the first time around wasn't she, yes I remember now, she was late to our wedding and I had to wait for her with the bouquet in my hands, looking across the summer sea that surrounded the church, my heart pounding in excitement, oh those moments I will never forget, I felt so happy and alive!
But I had to wait alone for so much longer this time though, didn't I? So many years alone, bringing up the kids by myself after her death, and when they left home to start their lives it was even worse, I was so afraid and alone without my Marie, oh sweetie how I missed you, why did you go away like that, you said you'd be there forever and you left so fast, how long I have waited to be next to you again, my beautiful bride, my beautiful wife, let me hold you, oh sweetie, yes, Peter and Amy turned out so well, they missed their mommy, but you won't believe what great people they have become, oh you will be so proud, I must tell you EVERYTHING about them...
Yes, of course, let's go away together now, just... don't let go of my hand, I'm not used to this place yet, ok? You don't mind if I stare at you as we walk off sweetie, do you? You are so beautiful, so radiant! You know, I don't care that the world ended as long as I'm with you, I missed you so much, so much!