Our Hot Mom

Some people have a lady for a mommy but we have a heavy duty oven.

Our mommy is hot, she's cubical and fumes a lot, she's brown outside and blue inside, she makes buzzing sounds and sometimes she pulls daddy into the burning metal and he sizzles and shouts. She bakes cakes and sometimes chicken and almond pudding and mushroom soup too, because my sister prefers it oven baked so that it has a thick crust over it.

My mommy has these hot metal sheets and if she hugs you too long you turn black like charcoal and die and have to wait thousands of years under pressure until you become a diamond but in the meantime you are dead, so you don't care so it isn't that bad.

When daddy proposed to mommy he had put a magic seed inside her and he says that a few months later it exploded and made me and my sister. My sister used to be older when she was born, so we broiled her inside mommy a bit and she lost the extra years quickly and became normal, and mommy was very tired after the whole ordeal so the doctor came to help her get better. But instead of helping her get better he went away and came back with those awful people who wanted to take us away from daddy, but daddy put them all inside mommy and she punished them for being so evil and they came out stumbling and screaming, and daddy brought a bat to their faces and they stopped bothering everybody with their noise and and we could watch our cartoons in peace.

Mommy is very jealous of noisy people who want to take us away, like all those girls who daddy brings home. She bangs her oven door when they go into daddy's room and the girls get scared and leave, except Lucie, who was laughing so loud that she couldn’t hear mommy's door banging, but later Lucie got curious and we watched her come down to our room and she saw mommy and she looked scared. But before she could do anything mommy pulled her into her hot belly and she never laughed again, which was great because she really was a very loud girl.

When daddy had to go away he gave us food and water to last a long while, and he sealed the door so the evil people would not take us away from mommy, and we are going to wait for a long time for daddy to come back, but every day we take care of mom and keep her clean and my sister reads her recipes so that her belly doesn't get cold, and mommy is always ready, hot and fuming and ready to bake food for us for as long as it takes for daddy to come back.