My Pet Obama

my pet obama is so cute, it sits there and smiles and i pour sugar all over it and it licks itself and sometimes it coughs and powder comes out and it smells like a pastry shop on a saturday morning

i bought my obama via mail order and at first they sent us a shrub because they are foreign and do not understand our language but we sent it back because it was bad and acted like those mean magwai that come out of gizmo when you pour water on him and you know they will grow up to drown you in the bath while mom has stepped out to get her sheryl crow cd

they also sent me a book with pictures telling me all about how to take care of my obama and wash its little head gently so i dont snap its thin neck and to keep it in a box with a hole so it can have air and not let my dog eat it because that will void my warranty and they will not send me any more obamas and when daddy comes back from the eye rack he will be mad

i love my new pet so much that at night i don't put it back in its box but i take it with me to bed and hold it tight and pretend it is daddy and at weekends i put it on our Microsoft Surface (tm) in the living room and draw flowers and hearts around it and it looks around at the all the pretty colors and claps its hands and then i put it inside my pants and pretend im a boy and walk around and listen to moms dana dawson cds and my belly goes all funny inside

tomorrow they will turn on the lhc and i am very afraid that the world will be swallowed inside a giant hole and i wont see my daddy again but cecil at school says that the lhc will only kill muslims but he's mean and he wears ugly braces all the time and likes to rub things on them like peaches and frogs and they get all torn up and it makes his face all mushy with stuff and we're all like ewwww and he laughs and bits drip off his chin and it's so gross even my obama starts barking inside my pocket

im so happy mommy bought me an obama she says its because she loves me so much and she would never let anything bad happen to me and i ask when daddy will be back so i can show it to him and she cries and tells me that he will be gone a very very long time and i feel sad for her so i let her pet my obama and it cheers her up and she smiles and hugs me lots