My Heart Shaped Glasses

I have a magic pair of heart shaped glasses, they are so nice and big and have a pink frame, and I will go around the world and put them on people when they are not looking, and this will make them look at the world in a warm and happy way and there will no longer be any wars and people will love each other, and then I will take my pink magic big heart shaped glasses and I will take my time machine and travel way back to the past and put them on the ancient Greeks and the Persians so they would kiss and make up and then put them on Roman emperors so they wouldn't be so mean to everybody and then the Byzantine bureaucrats so that they would be kinder to other people's religions and the Catholic church so they would not hate everyone so much and then I will travel to the Americas and put them on the Spanish and British so that they wouldn't kill everyone and take their land and then I will go and put them on Osama Bin Laden so that he wouldn't help America destroy the world and then I will dig up my father's corpse and put them on him so that he'll see how nice the world can be and relax and be happy in heaven and then I'll drop them in my magic cooking pot and make an elixir which I will pour into every Coca Cola factory in the world so that everyone will stop being afraid and mean and stop overcharging each other huge amounts for services that lead to vendor lock-in and then I'll be done and go home and make strawberry tea and sit on my cozy bed and read comic books and listen to legally downloaded music.